At what point is it okay to say "No"?
I don't want to complain about my leader, but she keeps asking for too much! I am the only one of the group who still has kids at home and they seem to forget that. I want to serve, but there is a point that my family has to come first! I think she's frustrated at me, because I told her that I can't come at 5 tomorrow night just to have another meeting at 6:15.
When I have said that I felt like I was overwhelmed, she acted really strangely to me and I don't want that. I just want her to realize that we don't need so many meetings. We had about a two hour meeting last Tuesday, then we spent two hours last night doing interviews with the sisters. We have some kind of meeting tomorrow night and she wants to "touch base" before that meeting. It is driving me crazy!
Monday, January 14, 2008
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6 comments:
Tell her. I made the vow a year ago to look out for my mental health (and my family's)first and have no problems say "no" now if I think it is above and beyond. Just be honest and tell her where you are coming from. If she is a good leader, she will respond.
Just say "no, sorry, I can't do that this week." Don't give her reasons, that just opens her up to criticize your reasons or could sound like you are trying to rationalize why you don't want to do it. I've learned the hard way that saying I'm stressed helps people feel they have the license to be patronizing later with comments like "well, I don't want to stress you out...your mental health is the first priority." Gah!
Stick to your guns!
In those situations I've learned to tell people what I can give them and let them deal with what's left. So, you could tell your leader that you have 3 hours every week that you can give for meetings and she will just have to decide which 3 hours she needs you the most. I've always gone into meetings warning everyone that I have to leave in an hour. 10 minutes before the hour is up I interrupt the fun chatter and say, "I have to go so if you have any assignments for me I need them now."
Callings in church come and go, your family and your sanity are first priority.
Hang in there.
P.S. I agree with Jen. I've even had leaders tell me that if I'm so stressed that I should stop homeschooling. Not gonna happen.
Thanks for the advice! I like the idea of not giving excuses, that just opens me up to working around my "problems".
I like the idea of limits, too! Then, I have an out as soon as I go in!
This is the point where it is okay. :-) For Real..... it is okay.
I had a leader like that as well. I loved her as a person, but she was psycho over the top in wanting to be perfect in her calling. Later I worked under her in a business capacity, and found that she did the same at work, working way too hard and running herself into the ground when she didn't need to do so.
I agree that you should do what you can and explain beforehand how much you can help, so you don't have to feel like you just 'sprung it on them' that you can't be there.
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